Imagine this: "Dr.Phil's teenage son failed school and ran away from home"
Category: Strong Opinion
I made a comment in All Coaches are NOT Created Equal a few days ago, to which I received a response:
- Me: "If you're a relationship coach without a relationship, please send your clients away to another coach. It's hypocritical and goes against being authentic."
- Anonymous: "Isn't this like saying, if your a doctor without any sickness you shouldn't be practicing medicine? Coaching is being curious about what is going on for the client, not about what is going on for you. "
I'd like to respond to this by asking you, how did it make you feel when you read the title of this post? Deceived? Puzzled? Dissappointed? The #1 expert on parenting and relationship has his own child fail school and run away from home...Doesn't that undermine his authority? Doesn't it cancel out everything he ever said on his show?
Maybe it shouldn't...but it does. Why would I trust someone's advice, who doesn't get successful results from it himself?
I really do feel it's not the same when it comes to doctors. You can get sick by getting infected, by staying in the rain for too long, by working too hard at the office, etc. Some uncontrollable circumstances here...
But if someone can not find and stay in a good relationship, I just don't see how I would be comfortable taking relationship advice from that person, be it a coach or not.
My 2 cents...
By the way, Dr.Phil's son is fine - this was just an illustration.
3 Comments:
In reference to Dr Phil,
I think you are both right! The fact that Dr Phil's son ran away from home is a reflection on him, however I think that all it shows is that he isn't perfect. We must remember that just because a painters house isn't beautifully painted, doesn't mean he isn't a good painter. In addition, being subjected to your own circumstances and overcoming them is very different to giving subjective advice to others.
What it does mean is that this is one area of his life that needs work, and may well be working on.
Human beings aren't two dimensional. I do take your point though that you wouldn't plant seeds from a tree that doesn't produce good plums!
Christiaan McComb
It seems to me that coaching isn't about "giving advice", but rather about listening and asking questions, and noticing what the client hasn't seen yet. I often find that knowing little about the topic aids in the ability to be curious and to be without assumptions.
If someone is giving relationship advice, then perhaps they should refer to themself as a counsellor or consultant -- but not a coach.
Hi Milana,
Cool site. I have to say that although we'd like to think the people that are coaching have ideal lives, realistically they don't. However, you have to overcome the challenges you are facing in your own life before you can coach someone. Bea Fields brings up this on her blog: http://theseductionofthemind.typepad.com/
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